I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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