New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Come on in and take your pants off
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