I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
