so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize