shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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