Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
