Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
