I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize