I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think people are normalizing furries
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