I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
this just has baby written all over it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
