We're like a lot better than the average bears
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
