Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
