I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
