im six kinds of drunk right now
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize