How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
