Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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