Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
