Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
