Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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