I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize