i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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