I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
