I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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