we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
