You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
