The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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