She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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