when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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