He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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