i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
