Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
