is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
