she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
