Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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