Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Life is so much better after having sex.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
