thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize