gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
