never play flip cup with pint glasses
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Someone came in the potted fern
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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