"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
