Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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