i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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