You can't special order awesome
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
