she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
