just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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