i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
