Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
