bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
