i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize