I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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