i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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