I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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