so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
God I need to hump something, right now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
