we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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