Whod you bang
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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