i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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