How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
