ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Drake has all the answers
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
