awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
