why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
