Her vagina should come with caution tape.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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