Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
