This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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