the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
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