there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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