operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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