She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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