Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
