I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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