Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
