She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
